8 Things Women Think When They're Trying to Org@sm.Personally,i don't think...lol

1. "Maybe I should just take over." I mean this is taking forever and I could get this done in under a minute at this point. There's no way he's not exhausted. It'd be like a mercy m@sturbation.

2. "My ex was so good at this." Man, Jeremy was on it. God, we had really awesome s3x. He used to do this thing ... I wish I knew what it was so I could tell James. Wow, this line of thinking is inappropriate.

3. "Focus!!!" Oh my god, stop thinking about your errands and what you have to do tomorrow before work! Yes, you need to buy olives because olives are great but you're having s3x right now! Get it together!

4. "Stop trying to focus and just clear your mind." Maybe I just need to stop focusing and clear my head. Oooh, it's working already. Man, I really miss my third grade teacher, Ms. James. She was so kind. Oh shit, I'm having s3x.

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5. "I kinda want him to leave." Not forever but even if he went to the bathroom or something, I could just get myself off and I wouldn't have to keep sitting through this. Or he could leave and I could go watch New Girl. I think new episodes started this week. Oh and pie. I could also eat pie.

6. "I wanna have an org@sm but I also want this to never stop." God, I just wanna org@sm already but also can you just keep doing what you're doing for the next eight hours?

7. "Wow, this is actually better than when I m@sturbate!!!" How is that possible??? I'm so glad I had s3x with this person!!!

8. *Thinking about someone else*. It's OK that I'm thinking about that guy from work, right? I mean, it's not like I would ever actually do anything. It's just right now it's working for me, which is actually good for him too because it means I'll org@sm faster. If anything, I'm basically a hero.