10 Things I Learnt The Hard Way About Good S3x…

I am unhappy with the way that I was taught about s3x in school. In fact, I’m unhappy with the way that 90% of the men that I have been s3xually involved with were taught about sex. If men were given a more thorough education in school rather than watching porn to enlighten themselves I really think that everyone would be having better s3x. If the world was having better s3x then perhaps it would be a better place to live. The things I wish I didn’t have to learn by trial and error…

1. Pee after S3x.

Jesus Christ – if I could go back and tell my little, v!rginal self anything it would be this: pee after you have s3x. Do you have any idea how many UTIs and resulting kidney infections I could have avoided if someone had told me this? I was s3xually active for four years before my doctor informed me what I was doing wrong. FOUR years of intermittent, crippling cystitis. Minus craic.

2.  Always have s3x like it is the last time you ever will because, some day, it will be.

Watch The Babysitter with James Deen and Nicole Ray. That scene is the Holy Grail of pornography as far as I’m concerned and portrays great s3x. This is what teenage boys should be taught! Make eye contact, stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once, whisper in her ear, ask her what she wants. James Deen is often described as knowing just when to kiss a girl and just when to slap her. To me, that is a pretty good description of a great lover. Of course, not everyone likes to have their hair pulled or to be slapped so ask.

3. Having s3x is not something to brag about…

Everyone has s3x. It’s not that impressive. If a girl has s3x with you it is most probably because she wanted to. It is not because you tricked her or out-smarted her. It is also important to know that just because a girl has s3x with you does not mean that she wants a relationship. If you have s3x with a girl and she speaks to you afterwards it is unlikely that she is doing so to organise the ins and outs of the pre-nup. Don’t be so arrogant. It is both completely unnecessary and completely rude. If we know each other well enough to smash our genitals together then we know each other well enough to behave normally afterwards.

4.The  Ĉlitori$…

It is not that difficult to find it. When you do find it, for the love of Christ, be careful. It has got more nerve endings than your entire penis. Direct pressure is going to be uncomfortable. It’s a bit like waiting for an elevator: pressing the button 15 times in rapid succession isn’t going to make it come any faster. Remember that.
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5.The G-$pot…

This is not a cruel rumour designed by authors of women’s prose to torture you. It exists. It is ergonomically designed to sit right at the front wall of the Ɣagina – right at the tips of your fingers. It feels rough – like a cat’s tongue. Find it, stimulate it and you will be a very popular man. Or woman. Whatever you’re into.

6.Guilt…

Do what you want to do. Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Easy. Catholic guilt and slut-shaming have no place in modern society. No matter what you were taught in s3x ed. As long as everything that you are doing is between consenting adults, as Christy Moore would say, Ride On…

7 Things I Learnt The Hard Way About Good S3x…

I am unhappy with the way that I was taught about sex in school. In fact, I’m unhappy with the way that 90% of the men that I have been s3xually involved with were taught about s3x. If men were given a more thorough education in school rather than watching porn to enlighten themselves I really think that everyone would be having better s3x. If the world was having better s3x then perhaps it would be a better place to live. The things I wish I didn’t have to learn by trial and error…

8.  Always have s3x like it is the last time you ever will because, some day, it will be.

Watch The Babysitter with James Deen and Nicole Ray. That scene is the Holy Grail of pornography as far as I’m concerned and portrays great s3x. This is what teenage boys should be taught! Make eye contact, stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once, whisper in her ear, ask her what she wants. James Deen is often described as knowing just when to kiss a girl and just when to slap her. To me, that is a pretty good description of a great lover. Of course, not everyone likes to have their hair pulled or to be slapped so ask.

9.Guilt…

Do what you want to do. Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Easy. Catholic guilt and slut-shaming have no place in modern society. No matter what you were taught in s3x ed. As long as everything that you are doing is between consenting adults, as Christy Moore would say, Ride On…

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