10 things not to say to a les bian

10 things not to say to a les bian
Avoid the following remarks if you’d like to steer clear of arguments, severe eye rolls and physical confrontations




Like medieval German poetry, lesbians (and bise xuals, heteroflexibles, queers, pans exuals, and womyn-loving wimmin) are frequently misunderstood. 
Sure, you may have read about them glimpsed them briefly but it’s a rare thing indeed to experience lesbians in the wild. Who are these mythical beings?
What do they wear now that hipsters have appropriated flannel? Is it true that lesbians move in together after the second date? 


You should avoid uttering the following statements if you’d like to steer clear of arguments, severe eye rolls, physical confrontations, and being equated with a cave person.

1. Who’s the “man” in this relationship?

Neither. Both. Only when it comes to killing the spiders. In most cases, the relationship in question involves two women: that’s what makes them lesbians. Even in butch/femme pairings, it’s insulting to assume that a queer relationship is imitating a straight one, especially under the rigid and outdated gender roles that the “man” question usually implies.

Possible comeback: “I don’t know. Who’s the man in yours?”

2. So if you like girls, are you attracted to yourself?

This question dates back to the Victorian era, when Freud postulated that homosexuality may have roots in narcissism, and his so-called castration complex. If this theory actually held water, wouldn’t we all be fervently masturbating in a mirror while playing Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” instead of going on dates? Same-se x attraction does not equal self-se x attraction (not that that’s a thing).

3. How do you have se x?

Answer from a lexbian pro "Well, first we make an offering to the Goddess. Then we walk counter-clockwise in a circle around a bowl of flax seeds while reciting lines from the Indigo Girls canon. Somewhere around the seventh rotation, our vagin as fuse together in spiritual and ecstatic union. Afterward, we drink rooibos tea and discuss prison reform." LMFAO 



 

 

 

MORE ON PAGE 2 BELOW     4. How do you know you’re a lesbian if you’ve never had se x with a man?

How do you know you’re straight if you’ve never had a dic k in your mouth? Or vice versa.

5. Wanna have a threesome?

There is a pervasive cultural assumption about queer women, particularly bisexual ones, that when we aren’t busily destroying the sanctity of nuclear families, we are champing at the bit to have a threeway with a dude. 
One reader said" Don’t get us wrong, we like threesomes (look, ma, six hands!), but the threesome-as-holy-grail has led to a barrage of awkward online propositions and drunken come-ons. It’s grown tiresome. Please acquire a new hobby, such as furniture restoration or windsurfing. Unless the woman in question explic itly states that this is her desire, don’t make any assumptions, and especially don’t do that thing with your tongue.)

6. Really? But you’re so pretty.

This is an insult disguised as a compliment that implies lesbians are hideous bridge trolls who are only ga y because no man wants to see them naked. 

7. So since you married a man, you’re not bi anymore, right?

Being in a heterose xual relationship doesn’t negate your se xual identity nor all your former romantic partners throughout history. If you still lust after ladies, then you are bi, regardless of whether you ever act on it again. 

8. What do you have against dic k?

ONE FAN REPLIED"Nothing at all. We’re big fans. We once attended a luncheon on the State of Penise s Today and it was riveting. Joe Francis gave the keynote. Seriously, it’s not personal. Questions like this are right up there with the tired stereotypes about les bians as man-haters with nothing more than a severe case of peni s envy. " oops yawa!! MORE ON PAGE 3 BELOW


8. Do you miss dic k?

We have several dic ks, thanks. One of them glows in the dark! LMFAO

9. You just haven’t met the right man yet.

Misinformed relatives hoping we will still incubate some grandchildren (and who for some reason equate lesbi anism with infertility) often says this. It’s highly insulting and intrusive and presumptuous, and implies that queer women become so due to bad experiences with men. 

10. I wish I were a lesbian. Things would be so much easier.

Right, except for the hate crimes, bullying, higher suicide rates, workplace harassment and discrimination, possibility of being stoned to death or flogged in some countries, Russia’s violent crackdown on LGBT people, assault, depression, stigma, familial/religious persecution, having to come out every time you meet a new person, threats of being disowned by loved ones, and having to field the above questions over and over again until you die.




NOW YOU KNOW!!
hmmm